A Trip to Staples

We join MON, Ashley Young, Isaiah Osbourne and John Carew on a car journey to Staples.

Osbourne (to the radio): I'm just a love machine, feeding my fantasy, give me a kiss or three .... And I'm fine. I need a squeeze a day ...

MON: Enough Isaiah, enough. We're here, right lads, we need to pick up a few bits and bobs for setting up the war room.

The lads: Yes boss.

MON: Let's not make it like January's debacle, don't let me spend the whole of the transfer fund on stationary again OK?

The lads: Yes boss.

*Carew grabs a trolley and the lads begin shopping*

A.Young: Wow boss, look at that stapler.

Osbourne: It's so shiny.

MON: We'll have that for a start.

Later...

*MON bumps into Rafa Benitez, Xabi Alonso, Pepe Reina and Cheech Marin*

Benitez: Hello O'Neill you engleesh pig (spits)

*Benitez's bandito's chuckle*

Osbourne: You can't speak to the boss like that!

*a wildly flailing Osbourne is restrained by Carew*

Carew: Leave it Isaiah, leave it.

*Benitez's bandito's point and chuckle*

MON: Raphael I don't know how many times I have to tell you, I'm not english.

Benitez: Well you look engleesh and you smeeeell engleesh

*Benitez's bandito's chuckle*

A.Young to Carew: (I thought he was spanish, what's with the sombrero, poncho and mexican accent?)

Carew to A.Young: *shrugging his free shoulder*(I dunno?)

Benitez: So O'Neill are you getting paperclips for your pathetic war room? Ha Ha Ha!

*Benitez's bandito's chuckle*

Benitez: Shut up you idiotas!

MON: I was picking up a few things, yes what brings you here?

Benitez: I have a leest of facts ... I mean things I must get.

*Rafa casts his eye on the glittery stapler in MON's trolley*

Benitez: Madre de Dios! Thees stapler, she is beautiful.

MON: Yes it is isn't it, last one too.

Osbourne (still swinging, kicking and being restrained by Carew): and you can't have it!

Benitez: We'll see about that, I offer you 50 peso's and this pencil case with Bolt the Dog on for you're rubbish stapler which I am not even interested in.

MON: I already have a Bolt the Dog pencil case, you can have it for ..... £18 million.

Benitez (On Phone): Hello meester Hicks, can I have £18 Million for the finest stapler you... No .... But you have not seen the stapler boss she is ..... OK OK.

Benitez: You win this time O'Neill! Banditos ándale!

Carew: You showed him boss.

MON: Aye that I did, lets finish up and get back.

Later.....

Till Cashier: That'll be £30 million please.

MON: Not again!