Goodbye, Old Friend

We join the whole squad filing into the dressing room after all having recieved a text message from MON "sad Nus abt Barry come 2 da drssng rm kwik". On entering:

*MON stands at the front of the dressing room in a black suit next to a large framed portrait of Gareth Barry, darkened sunglasses cover his teary eyes. Cuellar plays "Amazing Grace" softly on the bagpipes.

Carew: Got here as soon as I could boss, sad news about Gareth? Is he injured or ..... dead?

MON: It's worse ..... He's joined Man City.

Gardner: Oh God!

*Gardner breaks into a hysterical wailing*

Osbourne: Oh no, this is terrible.

Gardner: Whyyyyyyyy !?!? (sniff, sniff)

*The door opens, everyone turns*

The Dressing Room: Gareth?!

*Gareth Barry strolls into the dressing room wearing a blue and white tea towel on his head*

Barry: Y'aright ar kids, just droppin' by t'dressing room to pick up some stuff like.

Gardner(hugging on MON's leg): Why is he talking like that? and why's he walking with that ape like swagger?

MON: Because that's how they act Craig.

*Gardner sobs into MONs trouser leg*

Barry: Look lads, it's not you it's me.

Gardner: That doesn't make it any easier (sob, sob)

*Barry leaves*

MON: Did anyone just hear unzipping ? ..... Where's Isaiah!?

*cut to the toilets, Isaiah Osbourne is swinging his tracksuit jacket around his head*

Osbourne(singing with glee): Villa's number 6!, Osbourne Villa's number 6!

*dropping his jacket and pelvic thrusting with vigour*

Osbourne(singing with unbridled joy): Who's that starting ev-ery match is it Isaiah? Is it Isaiah?

*Back in the dressing room, MON presses play on the portable CD player*

MON (patting Gardner's back): Listen little Craig, there will come a day, when you will be able, able to say never mind the pain or the aggravation. You know there's a better way for you and me to be.

Petrov: Look for the rainbow in every storm. Fly like an angel, Heaven sent to me

All: Goodbye My Friend

Salifou: I know you're gone you said you're gone but I can still feel you here

All: It's not the end

Salifou: you gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear

Gabby: So glad we made it, time will never change it no no no

All: no no no no

....