Hacks!

We join MON finally returning from his Jamaican holiday, his car pulls up outside his office and he emerges

MON: Pass the dutchie 'pon the left hand side, pass the dutchie 'pon the left hand side, it agga bun ... WHAT!?!

*MON's tuneful rendition is rudely interrupted by hoardes of journalists and Papparazzi. Journo #1 thrusts a microphone towards MON*

Journo #1: Martin, The Sun here, Nice tan..

MON: Why thank you I did ...

Journo #1: Pass to the left-sided dutchman? Arjen Robben or Royston Drenth?

MON: Roy who? I was singing Musical Youth's "Pass the...

Journo #1: Right got the headline "Royston Villa" oooh or "Royston of the Rovers"

MON: Wait I didn't say I was interested and the rovers one doesn't make any....

*Journo #2 thrusts a microphone in towards MON*

Journo #2: Hello Martin, Daily Express here, nice rastafarian hat.

MON: Well I had my hair braided with extensions and...

Journo #2: You're not planning on signing foreigners are you Martin? Ruining our country they are.

MON: What I ....

*Journo #3 thrusts a microphone in towards MON*

Journo #3: alright Martin, Daily Star.

MON: Hi I..

*Journo #3 Unfolds a double page poster of a topless glamour girl*

Journo #3: Check out the norks on that!

MON: Er.... Very nice ... Any football related questions?

Journo #3: Nah, we'll just copy The Sun

Journo #1: Hey!

*Harry Redknapp thrusts a microphone in towards MON*

Redknapp: 'Arry Redknapp, Tottenham Hotspurs

MON: Harry, I know who you are, why are you outside with the media lot? Why do you have a microphone?

Redknapp: The Bentler, the Hudd and Jenny what's your best price?

Journo #4: Hi Mart, Daily Sport here.

MON: Right?

Journo #4: BOOBS!!!!

MON: That's it I'm going to my office!