Match 1: Wigan

*We join the lads in the dressing room gearing up for their match*

MON: OK lads, we're up against Wigan ...

*Sidwell raises his hand*

Sidwell: we're playing rugby boss?

MON: No Steve, right first of all we're going to have to give Roberto Martinez the respect he deserves

Heskey: None boss?

MON: Correct

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: Now Isaiah it's your time to shine...

Osbourne: Oh Yeah! I knew this day would come, first day of the season. Cometh the hour, cometh Isaiah

MON:...the bench, the Mr Sheen's in your locker.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: Get's him everytime ((cough))((cough))((cough)) Who's smoking in the dressing room!?

Delph: I boss, when I t'were a lad I say we all smoked our pipes in the dressing room.

MON: What? Put it out or whatever you do with pipes to stop smoking them and get rid of that tankard of ale and copy of "Whippet's Weekly". You're in the midlands now son, not some northern, league one outfit!

*Delph lowers his head and removes his flat cap*

MON: Now Barry I want you to lead with example.

Young: Barry's not here boss.

MON: Not here? It's unlike Villa's spiritual leader to be late, I'm sure he's caught up signing autographs for the kids or shaking hands with the Villa faithful.

Young: He left for Manchester.

MON: But we're playing Wigan at home!

Young: No he plays for Man City now.

MON: Oh ....Oh yeah, Best think of getting a replacement for him then eh?