*We join the England Lads gearing up for their clash against USA, Rooney arrives last, he unzips his jacket.*
Motson: Roooooooneeeey!!!!
*The lads look around wondering where John Motson's voice came from*
Lampard: Why does Motson scream your name whenever you do anything?
Rooney: Who? John Motson? No he doesn't.
*Rooney scratches his head*
Motson: Roooooooneeeey!!!!
*Lampard raises an eyebrow at Rooney whilst everyone else again looks for the source of Motson's voice*
Capello: Ah The Wayne Rooney! Look ev'rybody the Wayne Rooney she is here!
*The lads roll their eyes*
Capello: Now all the papers they say "Wayne Rooney will win the cup on his own" and "the team she is useless without Rooney". This is true. Because the rest of you are how you say .... Rubbish.
Defoe: Hey I'm not Rub...
Capello: You shutta ya face Darren.
Defoe: Darren? I'm ....
*Capello throws a chalkboard eraser at Defoe*
Capello: I say shutta ya face! You learn be good player like Rooney and maybe, maybe I learn your name!
*Defoe is rubbing his head*
Defoe: There's not even a blackboard in here!
Rooney: Thanks boss, I've been constantly working on improving all my areas of play.
Sea Captain: Arrrrr Matey!
Crouch: Why do you have a sea captain with you?
Rooney: Who? Captain Englbeard?
Capt. Englbeard: Avast me Hearty!
Crouch: I ... er ... Guess so.
Rooney: The news said I need to work on my anchor, so ...
*Capello interrupts, pointing*
Capello: Now you, Michael Dawson, you will start on the left wing.
Gerrard: I'm Stevie. Stevie G.
Capello: Well now you Michael Dawson.
Dawson: So who am I boss?
Capello: I don't know. Who are you? and why are you here?
*The dressing room erupts with laughter.*
Dawson: Oh come on, Ledley help me out here.
*King shrugs his shoulders still chuckling in his wheelchair whilst screwing on his wooden leg.*
Capello: Joey!? Joey? Where is Joey?
J.Cole: Here boss.
*Joe Cole is covered in shoe polish, he has his hand out to a suited Ferdinand who is admiring his newly shined shoes*
J.Cole: that'll be ... 110 grand.
*Ferdinand spits out his coffee*
J.Cole: What? I gotta make a livin'.
Pearce: I can't stand the yanks, bunch of show offs, If I was playing I'd .....
Capello: Stuart, Stuart calm down, the Americans they are not so bad.
*There is a knock at the door, Cappello gestures for Stuart Pearce to answer it, it's a number of the USA team, Tim Howard is wearing Friedel's "Uncle Sam" boxing shorts and top hat they are all singing James Brown's "Living in America"*
Howard: Y'know what Mean Jean!? When I get my hands on you at Wrestlemania I'm gonna...
Pearce: Let me stop you there... Firstly ....
*Clint Dempsey interrupts striding in wearing a tracksuit and breakdancing in the middle of the Dressing Room*
USA Team: Go Dempsey, Go Dempsey, Go Dempsey!
Heskey: Go Dempsey!
Pearce: Emile!
*Heskey hangs his head*
Heskey: Sorry boss.
*Dempsey finishes and points at the England team as he backs out of the room*
Donavan: Ooooh! You've been served!
USA Team: USA! USA! USA! USA!
*Red, white and blue fireworks erupt and a marching band strike up "star spangled banner"*
USA Team: Whoooooooooooooooo!
*Pearce herds them out and slams the door*
Pearce: Typical yanks.
Motson: Roooooooneeeey!!!!
*The toilet flushes, Rooney emerges from the bathroom*
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