*We join the England lads muted after their 1-1 draw with the USA*
Capello: Come now fellas, things are not so bad, it's a nice place.....
Pearce: Er .... Boss, we have a problem.
Capello: Eh?
Pearce: Well .... It appears some of the US players made Emile angry ... and ... Well...
*Pearce raises his phone to show Capello video footage.*
................
Heskey: HESKEY SMASH!
*A car is flipped wildly in the air by Heskey, stewards armed with corner flags and vuvuzelas are trying to pen him in*
Steward 1: We're not getting paid enough for this.
Steward 2: Yes, and I have to play for Algeria on Friday.
Steward 3: How many people will this creature injure!?
*A steward runs at Heskey with a vuvezela, Heskey promptly shoves it where the sun doesn't shine, the english contingent watching cheer*
.................
Pearce: The cover story is a steward pay protest broken up by riot police. I mean you add that to our James Milner problem...
*Pearce points to Milner who is strapped to a trolley in a straight jacket wearing a facemask.*
Lennon: Is he ... OK?
*Lennon leans in to Milner who snaps biting behind the mask, Lennon pulls away*
Pearce: He'll be fine he's just got a bit of the ol' "World Cup Psychosis" happens to the best of us, all he need is to pick up a gaping head wound and miss a penalty and he'll be fine. And then of course Ledley King.
King: Oh don't worry about me, I'm fine.
Pearce: Ledley .... I don't think you'll play any further part in our World Cup.
King: What?! It's a flesh wound!
*The lads all look with concern at King*
Pearce: Ledley, they took your leg, I don't think....
King: I'll be fine, I've played with worse. Watch.
*King eyes a ball in the dressing room, staring at it intently he rises from his chair to his foot promptly collapsing like a cut tree onto his face, the gust of air created by his body hitting the ground causes the ball to wobble slightly*
King (muffled by the floor): See, good as new.
Pearce: O.....K. The last thing on my report boss is *Pearce drops to a whisper* Robert Green, perhaps you want to give him a word of encouragement?
Capello: Yes, yes of course. The man management she is my speciality yes? Robert?
*Green looks hopefully at Capello*
Green: Yes boss.
Capello: Robert I give you wisdom, at home in Italy the goalkeepers, they catch the ball when it's kicked at them, is best wat to stop it going in.
*Green nods whilst scribbling down on his notepad*
Green: ....Ball.. CATCH.... Gotcha, thanks boss.
Capello: Is no problem.
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