It's a Woman's Game

*The Women's Football European Finals ... England V Germany*

Guy Mowbray: And we're here, the final. I must say women usually excite me, however in football even in a final they do not. Here's the kick off.....

*the match is kicked off, the whistle goes immediately*

GM: What's this? Oh the linesman has called offside, well that's impossible .... Oh no she's just doing a little dance with her flag ... Bless her.

Lucy Ward: I expect a good match, both these teams have lots of running in them.

*Mowbray drops his mug it explodes on impact with the floor, coffee is everywhere*

GM: Who in the world are you!? Security! There's a woman in the commentary box.

LW: It's me Lucy Ward, I played for Leeds women's football team I think. I'm not on Wikipedia so I can't tell you much.

GM: Oh .... Alright.

*In the match the referee blows up for a foul*

GM: Oh whats this? On hearing the whistle the England team have formed a cheerleader pyramid.

LW: You can see their training is really paying off.

.......... Later ......

GM: Well that's it, full time. Germany win by almost a netball score. It's to be expected really when England didn't field a 'keeper.

LW: The young lady in green Rachel Brown is the keeper.

*Mowbray drops his fresh mug it explodes on impact with the floor, coffee is everywhere again*

GM: That 3ft lass? I thought she was an eager ball girl.

*Mowbray lights up a cigar, Lucy coughs*

GM: Well that's that we're heading back to that rugger wife and two other birds and just in case you're thinking of some "me time" Martin Keown's there to put you off.