Big Bodymoor

*We join the lads in the Big Bodymoor house*

Milner: Day wun in tha Big Bodymoor hoose. moorst of tha housemates are in the living room....

Carew: ..people say it's degrading to women, I think it's an art.

*a number of Villa players nod in agreement, Ashley Young emerges from the bedroom with a duvet crossing the living room*

Heskey: What ho? going for some "Ashley time" is it?

Young: Yep.

*Ashley exits towards the toilets*

Osbourne: It's always Ashley time. Ashley time, Ashley time, Ashley time! I've had enough, we've not got the loo roll to waste, I'm nominating him.

Davies: Isaiah, you can't talk about nominations.

BIG BODYMOOR: Isaiah, can you come to the diary room.

*Isaiah visibly annoyed stands up muttering to himself and goes to the diary room*

BB: Hello Isaiah.

Osbourne: What?

BB: Isaiah, it states in the rules that speaking about nominations is not allowed.

Osbourne: I'm sick of him though. He waltzes around here, throws himself to the ground and pretends to be injured when it's time to do the washing up, uses all the loo roll, seriously big bodymoor I think he has a problem, I mean we've not even been here a day and ....

BB: Isaiah?

Osbourne: Yes?

BB: Since you have broken the rules, this week you will be forbidden from nominating.

Osbourne: WHAT!?! Well, that's just to keep "him" in isn't it?

BB: Isaiah?

Osbourne: Yes!?

BB: You may now leave the diary room.

Osbourne: But the tissue paper and I have a suspicion that's my duvet and ...... Ah forget it!

Day two

Milner: Day too of at tha Big Bodymoor hoose. All of tha house mates are in tha living room like.

Carew: ..... So I said Norway mate, Norway.

*The living room erupts with laughter*

Carew: See it's funny because I was saying no way and I'm from Norway.

Sidwell: You're so funny John. Moustapha coming out for a smoke?

Salifou: Go on then.

*Sidwell and Salifou move outside. Sidwell lights up a cigarette cooly blowing smoke out the side of his mouth*

Sidwell: I can't stand Carew.

Salifou: What?! You just said....

Sidwell: I know what I said, I'm sick of him already. He thinks he's so funny and he keeps calling me James, I look nothing like James!

*James Collins joins the lads*

Collins: Hi Moustapha, hi James.

Sidwell: You're James!

*Collins looks himself up and down*

Collins: Oh yeah.

Sidwell: Anyway, I wouldn't mind too much if Carew was up for eviction this week .... If you know what I mean?

*Sidwell winks*

Salifou: No .... What do you mean?

Collins: Is your eye Ok, it's a bit twitchy, I had a twitchy eye once and then...

Sidwell: I mean I could understand if a number of people, say us three for example might want Carew to go.

Salifou: .....Why?

*Carew joins the lads outside*

Carew: Alright boys what we talking about?

*Sidwell hesitates*

Sidwell: er..... Evolution, yeah they say man has evolved but if we were dropped in the forest could you make fire? I know I couldn't.

Carew: Well I don't know about making fire but I'm "on fire"

*Salifou and Collins laugh loudly*

Salifou: It's like the chant!

*Sidwell looks scornfully at Collins and Salifou, they stop laughing*

Carew: What's up James?

Sidwell: I'm STEVE!

Collins: I thought I was Steve?

Sidwell: (Sigh)

Nominations

Carew: Hi Big Bodymoor.

BB: Hello John.

Carew: Ooh a lady Big Bodymoor. You can call me "Big" John if you like.

BB:*giggles* John who is your first nomination and what is your reason for their nomination.

Carew: Oh, this is tougher than I thought it'd be. erm.... James Collins.

BB: And what is your reason for nominating James.

Carew: I don't think he likes me BB, He's been talking about me behind my back. I think he has a complex about his red hair, I like red hair I mean sure I knocked out Riise that one time, but that wasn't because his hair is red it's because he's a...well I won't use that kind of language in front of a lovley lady like yourself.

BB: Thank you John, and your second nomination.

Carew: Isaiah. Oh, it's a shame really, I don't how can I say it..... He stinks, is that a good enough reason?

BB: Please elborate John.

Carew: Elaborate? He smells BB. I don't know how long he's been wearing that Villa tracksuit jacket, he sleeps in it and by the smell of it I wouldn't be surprised if something dead fell out if he ever opened it.

BB: Thank You John. Please confirm your nominations.

Carew: James and Isaiah.

*Carew leaves and Sidwell is called to make his nomination*

Sidwell: Hi BB.

BB: Hello Steve, who is your first nomination and what is your reason for their nomination.

Sidwell: Gabby, why? I don't feel he's really come out of his shell in the house BB.

*The camera pans to Gabby running around in the garden naked singing his "Gabby Agbon-la-hor" chant.*

BB: and your second nomination.

Sidwell: Carew. Because everyone likes him. Big whoop, he tells some jokes, what about me? What about Steve Sidwell? I have jokes. Knock Knock BB.

BB: .... Who's there?

Sidwell: Steve Sidwell and I'm as funny as Carew but you don't hear them all laughing at me!

BB: Steve Sidwell and I'm as funny as Carew but you don't hear them all laughing at me who?

Sidwell: No, no the joke was finished, that was it.

BB: Oh .... Sorry Steve.

Sidwell: No don't apologise, it makes me look like a sad case who can't tell a joke! Oh forget it!

BB: Steve. Please confirm your nominations.

Sidwell: Gabby and Carew.