Carling Cup: Cardiff City

MON: Well I don't know much about Cardiff City I'm afraid lads, our scouting mission was .... Unsuccessful....

...*Villa's scout crosses into Wales from Shropshire, he is promptly pulled over by the local police*

Officer Daffyd: My Delilah! Do you know why I've stopped you boyo?

Scout: No officer, I mean I was doing 40 and ...

Daffyd: I'll stop you there, that's why I stopped you, doing 40 miles per hour in a 30 zone

*The officer scribbles on his pad*

Scout: Wait a minute now, this is a 40, there's a sign right there with "40" on it.

Daffyd: That's a 30.

Scout: What? It's there plain as day "4" "0".

Daffyd: It says "3" "0", that's a welsh 3.

Scout: and a welsh 3 is an english 4?

Daffyd: I couldn't tell you boyo, I don't know your english numbers, don't speak the lingo to be honest with you.

Scout: You're speaking english now.

Daffyd: and I'm hating every minute of it.

*another officer approaches from the car*

Thomas: This one giving you trouble Daffyd?

Daffyd: I believe he is Thomas, english attitude and all of it.

Scout: Now come on I'm not ...

Thomas: English is it? What business have you got in Wales boyo?

Scout: I'm an Aston Villa scout I'm on my way to .....

*The officers fall about laughing*

Daffyd: a Villa scout he says Thomas!

Thomas: I heard Daffyd. A Villa scout is it?

Scout: Yes.

Daffyd: We all know Villa scouts don't cross borders, what's your real business?

Scout: I'm a scout for Aston Villa, I'm here to report on ....

Daffyd: Here to find a foreign gem is it?

Scout: No ... I...

Thomas: Here to poach The New Saints formerly known as Total Network Solutions or simply TNS is it!? Not on my watch boyo!

Scout: No .... Wait ....

Daffyd: I think we have a speeder and a liar or poacher here Thomas.

Thomas: I think you're right Daffyd. Out of the car.

*The scout is arrested*...

MON: His excecution's at sunset..... Our new lad James Collins played for Cardiff City, I've asked him to present a short report of what to look out for.

*MON takes a seat, James Collins takes to the front of the room.*

Collins: Hi guys, Like the boss said I played for Cardiff, they're a mean bunch, they used to completely fill my locker with McVities Ginger Nuts. So when I would open my locker the McVities Ginger Nuts would fall out on me and they would all point and laugh.

*Carew sniggers*

Collins: It's not funny.

Carew: sorry.

Collins: They also used to say I have "the red death" and that I'd infect them with "ginger germs".

*Sidwell leaps out of his seat*

Sidwell: The fiends!

*Sidwell comforts a now crying Collins*

Sidwell: It's OK brother, I'll avenge you and I can assure you I'll get booked trying!

Collins: You're not just using me as an excuse to get booked are you Steve? You always get booked.

Sidwell: No ... Of course ... not. This booking's for you.