Sunday 25 October 2009

Match 9: Post Wolverhampton Wanderers

*We join the lads muted over their draw against Wolves*

MON: Well, it was a woeful first half and a bit better second, just a shame we couldn't hold the lead.

Sidwell: Sorry boss.

MON: No, no Steve don't apologise, I knew you were a flame haired psycho when I wrote your name on the team sheet, it's not your fault. Now Richard, we need to talk, you need to tone down your defending, just defend OUR goal from now on and we'll be more successful.

Cuellar: He cannae help himself man, he loves tha defendin'.

*MON looks at Cuellar's interpreter*

Interpreter: He can't help himself, he loves defending too much.

MON: I know Carlos, I know ...... Where is he?

*the dressing room falls silent as the players look to their left and right for Dunne*

Young: Can anyone else hear crying?

*the lads investigate the sobbing coming from the toilets to find Dunne looking over his shoulder at the mirror, tears streaming down his eyes*

MON: Good heavens, Richard? Are you alright?

Dunne: Yes boss [sniff!]

MON: Why are you ..... Crying?

Dunne: On Match of the Day they said I have a "considerable backside" do you think I have a considerable backside?

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