Match 8: Chelsea

*We join the lads preparing for their Chelsea encounter*

MON: I don't know much about Ancelloti lads, what I do know is that he is foreign, and that mean's he's....

*MON turns his ear to the lads in a Bruce Forsyth fashion*

All the lads: Trouble!

*Ashley Young raises his hand*

MON: Ashley?

Young: I've been thinking and ... and maybe foreigners aren't all trouble.

*The lads all gasp*

MON: What!?

Young: Yeah I mean look at Brad Guzan and Friedel, they're foreign and they're not trouble.

MON: The Brads are American you can't get much closer to british than that. I mean look at Guzan, he's literally wearing bowler hat.

*Guzan tips his bowler hat*

MON: and Friedel's wearing a knotted handkerchief and fake moustache like a holidaying brit of old.

*Friedel adjust the straps on his red and white striped swim suit*

MON: So Ashley, tell me, who are these foreigners you say are not trouble?

*Young scours the room for foriegn players*

Young: Aha! Carlos Cuellar, he's from Spain, he's spanish.

MON: I think you'll find he's Scottish.

Young: What?

MON: Have you ever seen him play for this "Spain"?

Young: No but...

MON: But what Ashley? But what?

Young: Well ... He's never played for Scotland.

MON: No scottish players play for Scotland!

*Young looks again*

Young: Well there's Big John Carew he's ... Well ... he's not that much .... erm.

*Ashley bows his head the dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: So that's that then we're agreed. Now, it's almost time for kick off so start the song.

*The lads look at each other uncomfortably*

MON: I said sing it!

All The lads: Rule, Britannia

MON: Louder!

All The lads: Britannia rules the waves! ...