Match 7: Post Man City

*There's excited chatter in the Dressing Room as MON strolls around removing the Barry dartboard from the wall and the Barry face sticker from the punching bag*

MON: Calm down lads calm down, so we drew a great game which is OK I guess, it's not quite winning but it's better than losing.

*Gabby looks confused at the concept*

MON: Collins? Collins? James?

Collins: Yes boss?

MON: You're a ginger king James, a ginger king! Come, let me kiss your ginger crown your majesty.

*MON kisses Collins on the head*

MON: You were literally a lion out there, a balding, ginger lion.

Collins: Thanks boss.

MON: Dunney!?

*MON "play boxes" Dunne's shoulder a few times*

Dunne: bass?

MON: You were great out there tonight, weren't 'cha?

Dunne: aye bass

MON: weren't 'cha?

Dunne: aye bass

MON: weren't 'cha?

Dunne: Well I tried y'now.

MON: Carlos!

*MON tussles Cuellar's curly locks*

MON: I do believe my search for a right back replacement is over my son.

*The lads all cheer*

MON: Finally Emile, Emile what words can be used to describe your performance ....

*MON thumbs his pocket thesaurus*

MON: Stupefying! In fact best man on the pitch from start to finish by far.

Heskey: Thanks boss.

Gabby: But boss he came on as a sub and to be quite frank he was ...

MON: Shhh Gabby Shhh you scored no goals you have no say.

Gabby: But Heskey didn't score any goals and...

MON: There's more to football than scoring goals Gabriel.

Gabby: But you just said....

MON: Look, Emile was the difference out there he came on and changed the game.

Gabby: But he didn't do anything

MON: Didn't he Gabriel? Didn't he?

Gabby: No.

MON: Didn't he?

Gabby: No!

MON: Enough of this, everyone knows Emile offers another dimension.

Carew: Yeah a parellel dimension where strikers don't score goals.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: John, Gabriel I've warned you, are you looking for contretemps?!

Gabby: I don't use any boss, it's how I keep getting in trouble.

Carew: Really boss? I mean can you sort it out? I mean that would save me loads of....

MON: What? Not condoms or contraband, contretemps! I say contretemps! .... What? Where have they gone?

*Carew and Gabby arrive at the Rocket Club with wallets full of "Barry bucks"*

Carew: Thank you Mr.Barry.