We join the lads in the Post-match Kazakhstan dressing room as internal tension mounts ...
Upson: Look at them sitting there with their top hats and monacles, makes me sick it does.
*Gareth Barry and Ashley Cole count out large piles of cash whilst smoking cigars*
Barry: ... So I said I'll have all ten!
*Barry and A.Cole snort/laugh loudly*
*on noticing Upson, Cahill and Heskey are talking about him Barry tips his top hat to them*
Barry: Y'aright our kids?
Cahill: No I'm not "aright", what happened to integrity, honour and heroism in the game?
A.Cole: I sold mine, got this ring with the proceeds, see?
*Ashley Cole holds out his hand flaunting a large ring*
Barry: Oooooh that's nice. Is it white gold?
A.Cole: Platinum.
Barry: Really? Very nice.
A.Cole: Yeah, thanks.
Heskey: Barrington tisn't like your goodself to trade virtue for the coin, forsooth.
Barry: Eh? Listen sunshine I put up with that Friar Tuck rubbish while I was at Villa, but your not David Harewood, you're Emile Heskey and it's 2009.
*Heskey runs sobbing into the arms of Upson*
Heskey: He's so (sob), (sob) mean.
Upson: Now look what you've done, you've made Emile cry!
*Barry throws a £50 note at Heskey*
Barry: Dry yer eyes on that our kid.
Gerrard: eh, eh, eh, eeerrm, cyarm down lads, cyarm down eeerrm.
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