"Rumours Abound!"

*We join MON who's been called for showdown talks with Randy Lerner*

Lerner: Maaaaarty! Long time no see, how's it hangin'?

MON: You're .... not mad about the 7-1?

Lerner: Ah seven one shmeven one. Hell so what if they scored a touchdown and conversion? That's football right?

MON: Well, not exac....

Lerner: Anyway you're hear about Jimmy Milner, I done had a "grrrrrrreat!" offer for him as Tony the tiger would say.

MON: I didn't realise you had Tony the tiger in America.

*Lerner looks confused*

Lerner: How'd you mean? I take Tony with me everywhere.

*Lerner points to an actual tiger*

Tony: How'd you do?

MON: Hi ... (turning back to Randy) You own a talking tiger?

Lerner: Son when you're a billionaire you can own whatever you like.

MON: right, anyway what was this about Milner.

Lerner: Right these guys are offering me millions for what I can imagine are a few photoshoots in speedos and with feather boas and stuff.

*MON looks sceptical*

MON: Boss are you su....

Lerner: I mean "Man United", you can bat for whatever side you want for the kind of money their offering.

MON: Sir, Man United is a football team not some publication for men of a certain persuasion.

Lerner: Nonsense Marty, it'll be the same as that deal with Barry for "Man City". You can't underestimate the power of the pink pound.

MON: Sir, Barry PLAYS for them now!

Lerner: He does? Gee I thought he had a homelife with kids and everything, go figure.

MON: No not for ... I give up.

*sources "close to Villa" get on the internet and radio on MON's resignation*