Match 28: Pre Wigan Athletic

*We join the lads preparing to play Wigan*

MON: Alright lads settle down, settle down. Now it's normally the way that a striker returning to his old club is bound to score against them. Unfortunately for us the player returning is Emile.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: .... Where is Emile?

*Ashley Young raises his hand*

A.Young: He went off with his banjo boss, said something about seeing a farm on the way here.

MON: Right.

*Heskey arrives with a pristine banjo*

MON: Ah Emile, glad you could join us.

Heskey: You know you'd be surprised how agile cows actually are.

MON: Quite. Now it's revenge time, these fellas beat us on the first day of the season, the fans raised questions about me. Me! Martin O'Neill! Can you believe that? I mean have I ever told you I've won the european cup!?

A.Young: Yeah you tell us every week boss.

MON: Tell you what?

Downing: That you won tha European Cup like.

MON: That's right, I won it, so don't you forget it.

Carew: It's hard to forget when you make us wear these shirts when we're not playing.

*holds up one of the lads T-Shirts with 'Martin O'Neill European Cup Winner '79 & '80' and a picture below of a young Martin hands aloft in a Notts Forest kit*

MON: Fine shirts, fine shirts and John nobody's forcing you to wear them.

Collins: It's in our contracts!

MON: Enough about how much you love to wear my t-shirts. Defence there's every chance you'll come up against Jason Scotland tonight so if you're struggling to make a clearance, pass it to him.

*The defence chuckle*

Heskey: Ah It'll be nice to see Jason again.

MON: Yes, it's obvious he's reaping the benefits from your expert tutelage.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*