Monday 7 December 2009

Carling Cup: Post Portsmouth

*We join the lads celebrating their 4-2 victory over Pompey, champagne is popping and horns are playing on the coach which is sitting outside Fratton Park*

Heskey: Get Up!

All the lads: Get on up!

Heskey: Get Up!

All the lads: Get on up!

Heskey: Get on the scene!

All the lads: Get on up!

Heskey: I'm a goal machine!

*Heskey does a dance (including a spin and "jumping into the splits") in the aisle of the coach*

All the lads: Yay! Go Heskey! Go Heskey....

MON: Lads, lads calm down. Great win out there tonight. Nice to see my boys Emile and Stilyan getting on the scoresheet.

*MON tussles Heskey and Petrovs hair*

Young: Stan's was an own goal boss.

MON: Well it's like they say "they all count" and Emile is growing into the 20 a season striker I knew he was, if we can just tap his potential in the coming years...

Young: Potential? He must be 40 boss!

MON: Look if Fergie's lads are "kids" at 22 then my young gun Emile still has plenty of time to come good.

*Emile nods, Young sighs*

MON: and Stuart, what a great full debut. You can't ask more from than a debutant than to score a goal.

Downing: I suppose I could've scored two like.

MON: Yes, well don't be hard on yourself.

Downing: Or it woulda been reet good if I coulda scored a hat trick it wor my second match and that.

Coach Driver: Like me!

*The coach driver removes his hat*

All the lads: Dion Dublin!?

Dublin: Yeah, what can I say I love Villa .... And driving coaches.

MON: Well it was a great performance Stuart, so you can take that with you.

*Downing begins sobbing*

Downing: It weren't even on tha telly or owt man.

MON: Look, I admire your professionalism but ....

*MON is interrupted by Delph bursting through the coach doors*

Delph: Boss, boss the papers are saying we're going to sign Jermaine Pennant!

MON: They're saying what!?

*MON cocks a shotgun and puts a hand on Dublin's shoulder*

MON: Lets ride!

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