*World Cup* - Pre Germany

*We join the lads preparing for their World Cup clash against Germany*

Pearce: Hi lads, Fabio's going to sit this one out. As it's England v Germany he's going to see who's winning then side with them.

*The lads look at each other worriedly*

Pearce: But not to worry, I've got a special treat in store. A man who knows all about playing Germany at the World Cup, a good friend of mine .... John Barnes!! John Barnes everybody!

*Barnes enters to applause from the players, he's wearing his Italia '90 England shirt, it no longer fits*

Barnes: Thankyou, thankyou.

Heskey: Wow John Barnes, your my hero ... I modeled my career on yours.

Barnes: But ..... Iusedtoscoregoals.

*Some of the players laugh, others just look confused*

Pearce: erm ... John you're going to have to slow it down a little.

Barnes: Oh ... OK.

Heskey: I thought you didn't play against Germany in Italia 90, weren't you injured against Belgium?

Barnes: Sssshhh I need the money. I'm between jobs. Anyway, thinking about this match and all of you I wrote down a few words of encouragement.

*Barnes unfolds a piece of paper, the players lean in intently.*

Barnes: Gareth, you're our holding midfielder right?

Barry: Yeah?

Barnes: OK, note this down.

*Barry takes up a notepad and pen*

Barnes: You've got to hold and give, but do it at the right time.

*Barry nods, Pearce raises an eyebrow*

Barry: .... Right .... Time. Got it.

Barnes: James, Stevie .... You can be slow or fast, but you must get to the line.

Milner: Mix up the pace, right.

Gerrard: By-line crosses, gotcha.

Barnes: They'll always hit you and hurt you.

Heskey: Amen to that!

Barnes: Glen, Defend and attack.

Johnson: Defend? Why didn't I think of that! Thanks John.

Barnes: Wayne, Jermaine there's only one way to beat them, get 'round the back.

Rooney: That's it! That's what my game's been missing! I knew I'd forgot something.

Barnes: Now catch me if...

Pearce: Let me just stop you there John. You're just reciting your rap from "World in Motion"!

Barnes: Yeah... Well...

Pearce: We need the benefit of your experience not 90s song lyrics! I could've just sang Livin' on a flippin' Prayer!

Barnes: You don't know the words to Livin' on a Prayer Stuart, you just know the first 7 words! And it was released in '86, so technically...

Pearce: What!? No I don't "Tommy used to work on the docks ...."

*Pearce tails off mumbling*

Pearce: .... Well that's besides the point! Give these players some words from the heart!

Barnes: OK ... OK. Listen up lads. After 90 minutes of sheer hell, you're gonna get thirsty....

Pearce: Get out.

Barnes: Am I still gonna get my cheque? I'm struggling to make ends meet here...

Pearce: Out!