The Riddler

*We join MON arriving at a press conference surrounding his meeting with Randy Lerner and his future plans*

MON: Hello everyone, hello!

*MON takes his seat he pulls a green bowler hat covered in black question marks from under the desk and puts it on*

MON: Questions anyone?

*a Sun journo lifts his hands*

Sun Journo: Awight Martee, me auld china, lavley jabbly.....

MON: Are you quite finished establishing yourself as a burly, everyman cockney.

Sun Journo: Yes. So are you going to leave or what?

MON: Well..

*The journos all lean in tentatively, pens at the ready*

MON: At this stage, you never know. I may, I probably won't, I mean I don't want to, but you never can tell.

*The journos look at each other confused, one of them reads back what he's jotted down and throws himself out the nearest window in despair.*

MON: Well, that's one down. Question I mean not journalist.

*The press conference erupts with laughter the SKY Sports journo stands*

SKY Sports Journo: Hi Martin, SKY Sports here, I'd just like to ask you a .....

*The SKY Sports Journo completely changes his voice as he raises a placard from his chair*

SKY Sports Journo: For a smoother, closer shave it has to be Gilette. Gilette,the best a man can get!

*The SKY Sports journo shakes his head and returns to his original voice the others are looking at him with bewilderment*

SKY Sports Journo: So anyway Martin are you going to Liverpool?

MON: I don't really see why I'd go to Liverpool I mean I like the Beatles as much as the next man but honestly the shopping's as good here in Birmingham and the car parks are for more secure.

SKY Sports Journo: No I mean to manage.

MON: Oh, yes I see why you might ask that question, they need a manager who could improve them and well I could get them 6th place.

*The press conference erupts with laughter*

MON: Seriously though Liverpool is a big club and a challenge, though Aston Villa is also a big club and also a challenge.

SKY Sports Journo: So are you ....

MON: Am I going to Liverpool? I suppose there are bigger questions. If a tree falls in the forest and no-one's around does it make a sound?

SKY Sports Journo: Yes. Obviously.

MON: It's a rhetorical question, one that has plagued man for ....

SKY Sports Journo: My question wasn't rhetorical though Martin are you just stalling until I have to go into another ......

*The SKY Sports Journo completely changes his voice as he raises a placard again*

SKY Sports Journo: Renault Clio? Ford Focus? For the love of God man buy one and tell them SKY sent you or Rupert Murdoch said he's going to come around my house and....

MON: Next question?

Times Journo: Hello, The Times here. I am considerably more high brow and self important than the other "journalists" here.

Sun Journo: Hey!

Times Journo: Pipe down you oik! Anyway Martin whatever your answer to my question I probably will have a far superior answer myself, that said I shan't bother asking you a question. Good day sir.

*The Times Journalist stands and leaves.*

MON: Excellent, so that's your lot. Thanks for coming.

*The journos groan and grumble as they file out of the conference*

MON: John did I make any sense at all?

Robertson: No boss.

MON: Fantastic.