Match 38: Post Blackburn

*We join the lads upset with the loss but over all satisfied with the league's end*

MON: Well lads, we lost to Blackburn again. On the plus side though Sam Allardyce's men didn't kill any of us.

L.Young: What about Steve boss?

*Luke Young points to the coffin rested on three dressing room chairs.*

MON: Oh.... Yes .... Stephen is a sorry loss, his father Neil will be here to pick up his remains.

*MON places a lily on the coffin, a muffled voice chimes from inside it*

Warnock: I'm not dead and Neil's not my dad!

L.Young: Hang on boss, I can hear his voice!

MON: We all can Luke, we all can. He was a great man....

Downing: Noor man, he's alive ... In the coffin like.

MON: Lads, lads lets not get delirious with grief, Robbo take Stephen to his resting place.

*Robertson wheels out a trolley.*

Warnock: No! Wait! This is just the bosses ploy to do his yearly full-back replacement! Let me out!

*MON 'shoos' Robertson to move with more urgency whilst the padlock on it's side jumps each time the lid is banged from the inside.*

Warnock: I'm alive! Aliiii.......

*The door closes behind Robertson as he exits with Warnock*

A.Young: So boss everybody's asking ..... What're you going to do now?

MON: You're right, everybody is asking and all this talk of my 'uncertain future' forced me to search out Glenn Hoddle's psychic.

A.Young: Oh yeah? What did she say?

MON: Not much more than 'don't go to the paralympics'

A.Young: Oh .... Right. Any idea if you're going to be selling anyone over the summer.

MON: Not the foggiest Ashley.

NRC: Boss I can see that you're pointing at your palm in my direction.

MON: What Nigel? I did nothing of the sort.

NRC: You're still doing it! Now you're nodding, winking and appear to be mouthing the words 'Nigel Reo-Coker'

MON: Nigel I'm offended! I would never make my business so commonplace.

Carew: And what about this '20 a season' striker all the fans are calling for?

MON: Not to worry John. That striker is already with us and next season he'll be the '20 a season' man.

Carew: I think it's a little unfair to heap so much pressure on Nathan boss, he is still just a kid and...

MON: Who said anything about Nathan?

*MON tosses Heskey an object, he instinctively catches it and peers down into his hand*

Heskey: Benson & Hedges?

MON: Yes. Twenty.

Heskey: But boss .... I don't smoke and I don't think...

MON: Emile is there anything you do do? No Goal chair!

Heskey: But.

MON: Now!

*Curtis Davies and Bouma chuckle*

MON: Who on Earth are you!? Security! Security!