Negotiations

We join an intrepid MON with Zat Knight and Stilyan Petrov cutting through smog approaching a mansion.

*MON wipes his steamed glasses and raps on the large lion-head door knocker*

Knight: I'm scared boss, I can't see a thing.

MON: there there Zat, we'll be fine.

*A grotesque hunched over figure anwers the door*

Knight(High pitched): Aaaaaaaaaarrrgh!

MON: Zat get off my leg! Hello Gareth, is Steve around?

Southgate: Yesssssss (slather) Maaaaaarster!? (slobber) Maaaaaarster!? You have guests!

Gibson: a Premier League manager!? Players scatter!

*Boro's players all dash to find hiding places except Stewart Downing who is immobilised by his injury and fear*

Gibson: Aye pet, send 'em up.

*Southgate bows, bidding the lads entrance, leads them to Steve Gibson and scuttles over to him, Gibson gives Southgate a pat on the head*

Gibson: So, interested in the boy Downing are you? £18m

*MON chokes, as much at the ridiculous valuation as the thinness of air*

MON: Are you out of your mind? You're a championship team now Gibson.

*Zat gingerly pops his head out from behind MON*

Knight: Yeah!

*Zat shaking, disappears back behind MON*

Gibson: Sorry lads, I cannae do anything for you, that's the market nowadeeeys I'm afraid.

MON: Right, I didn't want to do this but .... STAN

*Petrov making no sound strides toward Downing*

Downing: Gibbo?!? Boss?!? Get him away from me .... Get him away from me !!!

*STAMP!!!*

Downing: Aaaarrrrrrrggggghhh!! You Monster!

MON: See he's worth nothing now .... £12 miliion?

Gibson: Fine, fine take him and get out!

*Tuncay trembles peeping through the slightly open cupboard he's hiding in*