Hansen on "The Nani Tackle"

*Alan Hansen, is prompted to reminisce after Nani's fantastic, wrongly punished tackle on Stilyan Petrov*

Commentator#1: Good evening chaps we're looking forward to a spiffing game of football what

Commentator#2: Oh aye, it doesnay get much better than this, Liverpool against some team not as famous as them.

Commentator#1: It certainly does not my incomprehensible, scottish friend. Without further ado let us watch the action.

*The game is kicked off, the opposition striker beats Liverpool's forwards and midfield and is kicking the "ball" which is in fact a housebrick wrapped in brown tape toward the Liverpool goal, Alan Hansen pounces*

Hansen: Have at you!

*Hansen is pointing a cutlass at the striker*

Hansen: Enguard!

Striker: What? I don't even have a swor....

*Hansen plunges his sword into the strikers heart, he keels over quite dead. Hansen boots the ball clear*

Hansen: Ha!

Commentator#1: and it looks like? Yes a free kick for Liverpool.

Commentator#2: Aye, ya cannae just lie down dead, most unmanly.

Commentator#1: rather, how uncouth.

*the ref asks the opposition manager whether he will sub the "injured" striker, he puffs on his cigar and shakes his head, he shall play on. The opposition team catch another break, a midfielder has made it into Liverpool's box. Hansen is charging him down. With an axe.*

Hansen: Yeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrggggh!

Midfielder: My Arm!!?!? You've had it off you cad!

Commentator#1: and it's another free kick for Liverpool.

Commentator#2: ye cannae just lose a limb on the hallowed turf of Anfield

Commentator#1: Most unsightly, oh dear there appears to be ructions in the crowd. They've found a woman in the terraces!

Commentator#2: burn 'em at the stake I say!

*Back at the studio*

Lineker: Alan? ..... Alan!?

Hansen: Ah those were the days....

Lineker: Alan?

Hansen: Oh .... Yes Gary.

Lineker: So .... Your opinion on the Nani incident?

Hansen: Never a red card Gary. Never.

Dixon: But Alan.....

Hansen: I said never!!