*We join the lads celebrating their victory over Chelsea. MON enters on his mobile phone*
MON: Hello? Claims Direct? Yes, I'd like to make a claim.
...
MON: Martin O'Neill, yes, THE Martin O'Neill.
...
MON: What do you mean you don't know who I am? I've won the european cup! I was magnificent.
...
MON: No, the European Cup, football, it's the old Champion's League.
...
MON: Nottingham Forest.
...
MON: What do you mean you've never heard of Nottingham Forest?!
...
MON: Yes, Robin Hood, but they also have a football team.
...
MON: Yes a little bit of gun crime perhaps, anyway my claim, I was cruelly slain in my prime by an ogre on Saturday afternoon.
...
MON: Yes ... well no I'm not dead obviously as I'm talking to you on the phone.
...
MON: Well I suppose it was a little over exaggeration, anyway the brute who assaulted me was Nicolas Anelka.
...
MON: Yes the Chelsea player ... Hang on he's not as famous as me! I've done Match of the Day Punditry I'll have you know!
...
MON: Injuries? I have a gaping wound on my elbow, it's hanging off they'll probably have to amputate, a swelling the size of your fist on my backside and nightmares, terrible nightmares ooh and whiplash.
...
MON: Thankyou I look forward to hearing from you.
*MON turns his attention to that lads*
MON: Right, Great win James and Richard.
*Dunne and Collins "high five" each other whilst the rest of the team look on with envy*
MON: As a matter of fact on the back of this victory I have drawn up a new team system for our match against Wolves.
*MON pulls a cover off a flipchart to reveal his new system, Carew raises his hand.*
MON: Yes John?
Carew: Boss there are only three players in that formation.
MON: Yes, John, yes there are. Collins and Dunne at the back with Young standing at the sideline waiting to take corners. I call it the 2-1 formation.
*Heskey Raises his hand*
MON: Emile?
Heskey: Won't we be at a huge disadvantage fielding three players against eleven?
MON: No.
*Milner raises his hand, MON nods to him*
Milner: what's that off the pitch? Is that a picture of you?
MON: Yes, I'm dancing because we have beaten Wolves so comfortably.
*MON demonstrates the dance he will do*
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