Match 10: Everton

*We join the lads in the dressing room preparing for Everton, Heskey and Carew are carrying a large box for MON*

MON: That's fine lads stick it there.

*Carew and Heskey put down the large box in front of the team*

MON: Right lads, we have a big challenge ahead. Everton are a dangerous team. Lescott's not there any more and Agent Knight has taken care of Tim Cahill but their major threat still exists.

Young: Saha?

MON: No Ashley.

Milner: Jagleilka?

MON: No James, Fellani.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter*

MON: Stop your laughing! Don't let his comedy hair fool you lads, he's as viscious as a cornered rat ... with an afro.

Young: So what's the plan boss?

MON: Good question Ashley, good question. A good manager is always prepared. That is why I have these!

*MON opens the large box all the players scurry around to see it's contents.*

Young: Hockey masks?

MON: Yes hockey masks, with these I ..... Stilyan stop chasing Fabian around with that mask on and where did you get that machete!?

Petrov: Sorry boss.

*Petrov removes his mask and puts down his machete*

Milner: Soor hows we gonna beat Fellani with halloween masks like?

MON: Halloween? These are to protect your beautiful faces from Fellani's wandering elbows. Now I have one for each of you except Isaiah and Moustapha of course their faces shall be well protected by at least three rows of seats ..... Where are Moustapha and Isaiah anyway?

.......*Outside the dressing room Salifou is dressed in a sheepskin coat with a flat cap*

Salifou: Now then Isaiah have I got a money spinner for us this time.

Osbourne: What is it this time Sal boy? I'm still in trouble from last time.

*Salifou holds up a shirt with Guzan's face photoshopped onto Jesus' body, it has the slogan "Guzan Saves" underneath.*

Salifou: Isaiah you plonker, we sell these we'll make a fortune. We just need to get Bradley to wear this toga.

Guzan: I don't know guys, isn't this kinda blashpemy?

Salifou: Nonsense, none of us are married.

Guzan: I think you're thinking of bigamy.

Salifou: Yeah, yeah it's really big of you to help us out.