Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Match 1: Post Wigan

*We join a deflated team post Wigan match*

Young: I .... I don't understand, I ran at them .... but they didn't part .... They .... They tackled me!?

Carew (rubbing his sore foot): It's OK Ashley, it happens to the best of us.

Young: Not me! I'm Ashley Young!

Shorey (shaking): It .... it was terrible, they were all over me. The horror, The absolute HORROR!

*NRC slaps Nicky with his UNBANDAGED hand*

NRC: Get a grip man, get a hold of yourself!

Shorey: But I'm so shakey

NRC: Where's Carlos?

Shorey: I think he's still on the pitch, contemplating on whether to put a tackle in or not

NRC: But the match finished an our ago!

*MON enters the dressing room, it falls to a deathly silence*

MON: Once again you've all let me down.

*the heads in the dressing room bow*

MON: Except you Stilyan and of course you Emile.

*Heskey and Petrov sport wide grins*

MON: Where's Fabian?

Osbourne: he was told the dressing room's haunted, he's too scared to come in.

MON: What idiot said that!?! Was it you Isaiah? So help me you'll never play for this club again if...

Osbourne: It was Stilyan boss!

MON: Oh .... Well in that case what a cracking joke Stilyan, you're hilarious.

Petrov: Thanks boss.

MON: Now where's Moustapha with my drink.

*Salifou come huffing into the dressing room*

Salifou: I have bad news boss...there's no Diet Coke.

MON: WHAT!?!? This is a nightmare! And don't think I don't know yours and Isaiah's voices are hoarse from singing "John Carew, Carew"!

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